Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Chaaaarge it!

I love The Week magazine. They do a nice job summarizing news and opinion---left, right and center---from a variety of sources, both in this country and abroad. In this week's issue I was struck by their clarity and simplicity in describing how we're paying for the nightmare in Iraq. Behold The Credit Card War:

The Iraq war, says economist Joseph Stiglitz, is "the first U.S. war financed entirely on credit." When the war started, the Bush administration said it would cost no more than $60 billion. But the U.S. budget was already in deficit, so the administration had to borrow money to finance the invasion. About 40 percent of the money was borrowed from China and other international investors---the first time since the Revolutionary War that foreigners financed a U.S. war. At the same time, the administration and Congress lowered taxes instead of raising them, as is customary in wartime. The Federal Reserve kept interest rates low, which encouraged middle-class Americans to go on a consumption binge financed by credit cards and home-equity loans.

Today, say Stiglitz and other economists, the bills for the country’s spending spree are starting to come due, in the form of higher prices, a weakened dollar, and lower living standards. "There’s no such thing as a free war," Stiglitz said. "The U.S.---and the world---will be paying the price for decades to come."

But at least we're getting our money's worth. Right?

Contractors hired to rebuild the country’s infrastructure or provide security have overcharged the U.S. for everything from soft drinks---$45 a can---to gasoline. Millions of dollars in no-bid reconstruction contracts were diverted to things such as Super Bowl tickets, prostitutes, watches, and jewelry. And much of the reconstruction work has been substandard. ... "This became the lens through which Iraqis now see America---incompetence, profiteering, arrogance," said House Democrat Henry Waxman of California, a vocal critic of the war.

So remember: Vote for John McCain in November. Because a hundred more years of this will be awesome!

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, May 8, 2008

Note: Trust me---anyone who says shitting diamonds is easy has probably never done it.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til The Netroots Nation convention in Austin July 17-20: 70
Days 'til Mother's Day: 3
Minimum amount Barack Obama has collected from small donors since January, 2007: $101 million
Amount John McCain has raised in the same period: $16.3 million
(Source: USA Today)
Percent of applicants accepted at Harvard: 7.1%
Percent of applicants accepted at Stanford: 9.5%
(Source: USA Today via The Week)
Number of interracial couples in America: 4.3 million
(Source: U.S. Census Bureau via The Washington Post)

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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

When, in the future, you find yourself wondering, "Whatever happened to the Constitution?" you will want to go back and look at June 8, 2004. That was the day the attorney general of the United States---a.k.a. "the nation's top law enforcement officer"---refused to provide the Senate Judiciary Committee with his department's memos concerning torture.

In order to justify torture, these memos declare that the president is bound by neither U.S. law nor international treaties. We have put ourselves on the same moral level as Saddam Hussein, the only difference being quantity. Quite literally, the president may as well wear a crown -- forget that "no man is above the law" jazz. We used to talk about "the imperial presidency" under Nixon, but this is the real thing.
---June, 2004

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Real baby blues...or tinted contacts?

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CHEERS to the tipping point.  Unless someone finds out that he goes to a church led by a fiery pastor (shh...don't tell anyone!), the Democratic nominee for President of the United States---much to the Republican party's horror---will be uniter Barack Obama.  The campaign strategy against John McCain is now being worked out.  Our inside source says step one will involve following the Meals on Wheels Express around the country, pointing at the guy inside, and uttering the new campaign slogan: "I ain't him."

CHEERS to supporting our troops...like, fer real.  Big day in the House, says Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America executive director Paul Rieckoff:

The House of Representatives is set to vote on a World War II-style GI Bill for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans as an amendment to emergency supplemental war funding bill. And lawmakers will have to go on record as to whether they truly support our nation's newest generation of veterans. ...

Help us get the word out. IAVA is encouraging its national membership [and everyone else] to call their lawmakers and tell them to vote "yes" on the GI Bill. For more information on this critical issue, please visit www.GIBill2008.org.

This legislation is tailor-made for congresscritters: it's a no-brainer.

JEERS to stupid adult tricks (via Darksyde).  A principal at a Memphis high school is in the ACLU's crosshairs.  Seems she wanted to eliminate public displays of affection by making a list of all the student couples there (presumably with the goal of keeping them separated...or something).  The lovebird hunt ended up outing a couple of gay students who were trying to keep their relationship to themselves:

Although the boys had never been observed by any school staff engaging in any sort of display of affection, the principal called Nicholas's mother Nichole.

According to Nichole, the principal said things like "Did you know your son is gay?" repeatedly and went on to say that she didn't like gay people and wouldn't tolerate homosexuality at her school.

That's what's so great about education.  You learn new things every day.  Today's lesson: Idiots walk among us.

!Israel to (!Anniversary Happy) מזל־טובֿ צו דײַן געבוירנטאָג
.old years 60 is East Middle the in ally biggest Our
.realization sudden a to come I've item this writing ,Y'know
:Meir Golda here's ,Anyway  .left to right writing at suck I

"The Egyptians could run to Egypt, the Syrians into Syria.  The only place we could run was into the sea, and before we did that we might as well fight."
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"Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses.  He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!"
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"A leader [coughGeorgeWBushcough] who doesn't hesitate before he sends his nation into battle is not fit to be a leader."

(Mazeltov!) !מזל־טובֿ

CHEERS to real "Mission Accomplished" moments.  Today is the 63rd anniversary of VE Day, commemorating the surrender of the Nazi terrorists during World War II.  If Bush and had been in charge, we'd probably still be fighting that war...in Mexico.

P.S.  John McCain says that it's fine for the United States to be stationed in Iraq---as we are in Germany---for 100 years.  But first our troops have to stop getting killed over there.  But that'll never happen.  Which gives me an idea for a new bumper sticker: "McCain '08--Bringing Our Troops Home By Infinity Plus 100."  Inspiring!

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Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!

This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man.  Wolf Blitzer asks America:  What would you like me to ask Barack Obama?

Questions.

Now back to Cheers and Jeers.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!

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JEERS to a United States of China, India, Dubai and Saudi Arabia.  If my lying ears weren't deceiving me, Fareed Zakaria---hawking his new book on The Daily Show---told Jon Stewart the following this week:  1) We're not #1 in anything anymore except our ability to nuke the world into a fine powder.  2) Because we're so weak and inept at everything else, foreign countries are buying America piece by piece.  3) Eventually they will own everything here except the military.  4) Relax, it's all good!!!  5) Go buy my new book, The Care and Feeding of Magic Mushrooms.

CHEERS to the fall of the Fourth Reich.  The Republican moron who attended a celebration of Adolf Hitler's birthday in April competed Tuesday in a primary for Indiana's 2nd District congressional seat...and came in third.  He got beat by a newspaper deliveryman.  However, he assured his followers that the invasion of Poland was still a go.  Just as soon as he finishes building the Tiger tank in his bedroom.

JEERS to a double scoop of bad news.  Residents in my fair town of Portland are bitterly, angrily and irrevocably split on whether ice cream truck music is a welcome bit of Norman Rockwellesque nostalgia...or an ear-splitting, soul-sucking cacophony.  And although I can't prove it, I suspect the rancor here is what caused Baskin-Robbins co-founder Irvine Robbins to die at 90.  He'll be buried in a sugar cone wrapped in napkins.  

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One Year Ago in C&J: May 8, 2007...

JEERS to the worst recall ever.  Every single Humvee door in Iraq needs their latches and hinges replaced.  Why?  Because IED blasts can cause the newly-armored doors to jam, turning an attacked vehicle into an incinerator or coffin (or both).  On the bright side, the makers of the new hinges will rake in a ton of money ($284 million!), stimulating our economy and maybe even goosing the stock market.  And isn’t that what America's all about.

SACRE BLEU! to new blood in Old Europe.  And the new keeper of the liberté, égalité and fraternité is conservative Nicolas Sarkozy.  C&J's initial reaction: not impressed...he looks French.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to Give 'Em Hell Harry.  Two years ago this month, in a West Point commencement address, President Bush compared himself to Harry Truman. On this, Truman's 124th birthday, we present our annual C&J-sponsored debate in which the 33rd president squares off against the 43rd:

Bush: I glance at the headlines, just to get kind of a flavor. I rarely read the stories.
Truman: A president either is constantly on top of events or, if he hesitates, events will soon be on top of him.

Bush:  Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
Truman: In the circumstances, alarm is justified. The man who isn't alarmed simply doesn't understand the situation---or he is crazy. But alarm is one thing, and hysteria is another. Hysteria impels people to destroy the very thing they are struggling to preserve.

Bush: We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories...for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them.  <<>>  [T]here's theories as to where the weapons went. They could have been destroyed during the war. Saddam and his henchmen could have destroyed them as we entered into Iraq. They could be hidden. They could have been transported to another country, and we'll find out.
Truman: He's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

Bush: The FISA law was written in 1978. We're having this discussion in 2006. It's a different world. And FISA is still an important tool. It's an $important tool. And we still use that tool. But also...and we...look, I said, look, is it possible to conduct this program under the old law? And people said, it doesn't work in order to be able to do the job we expect us to do.
Truman: It's plain hokum. If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em. It's an old political trick. But this time it won't work.

Bush: Because the...all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those...changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be...or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled.
Truman: Why, this fellow don't know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday.

Bush:  There are some who feel like that if they attack us that we may decide to leave prematurely. They don't understand what they are talking about if that's the case. Let me finish. There are some who feel like that the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is bring `em on.
Truman: Some day I hope to meet you. When that happens you'll need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes and perhaps a supporter below.

Score:  Bush 0   Truman 6

Happy Birthday, Harry, and many blessings on your grouper.

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Oh, and the answer is: Because he's leader of the free world for another 256 days.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"I mosey into the ladies' room, glance at the mirror, remind myself that fluorescent lights make everyone look as if they're in the final stages of tuberculosis, and head for a stall.  And then I see it: The seat, even the floor, is covered in little yellow droplets. Bill in Portland Maine strikes again."
---Lisa Kogan
Oprah.com

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