Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Size matters

Iowa was The Biggun.

Then New Hampshire was The Biggun.

Michigan was supposed to be The Biggun but state party officials interfered and made it a wee'un.

Then Nevada and South Carolina were The Bigguns.

Florida played Michigan's game and ended up another wee'un.

Then...Super Tuesday, baby! Now that was The Biggun.

The Potomac Primary? The real Biggun!

Then Texas and Ohio were The Biggest Bigguns of all.

Until Pennsylvania came along. It wasn't just The Biggun, it was THE BIGGUN.

Now Indiana and North Carolina are The BIGGEST BIGGUNS IN ALL BIGGUNLAND.

Last night on Countdown, NBC's Chuck Todd, who is like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation when it comes to primary parsing, explained why today is, um, so big:

"We leave the campaign trail tomorrow. There are now more delegates at stake in the backrooms than there are on the campaign trail after tomorrow. We've got 264 superdelegates. ... We have the 366 delegates still in dispute in Florida and Michigan. But we'll only have 217 delegates that you can actually earn from voters. So at this point, if you're either campaign, what are you more worried about, the backroom or the campaign trail? You go to the backroom. So I think that's what's interesting about tomorrow. It's the last time the voters will have the majority of the say and we move to this deal-making."

And this is why we drink.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Note:  On the menu today in the GOP cafeteria: stupid soup and unethical casserole with real bits of denial.  For dessert: hypocrite pudding.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the general election: 182
Days 'til the Blistered Fingers Bluegrass Music Festival in Sidney: 44
Delegates at stake in North Carolina: 115
Delegates at stake in Indiana: 72
Average increase in sales of Toyota, Honda and Nissan vehicles between last April and this April: +5.4%
Average decrease in sales of GM, Ford and Chrysler vehicles in the same period: -17.2%
(Source: USA Today)
Number of candles on a "Sweet 16" birthday cake: 102
(Source: Project for a New American Century)

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NEW Tuesday feature!!  Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

"Barack is a Bolshevik.  Having a few bomb-throwers for friends is a plus in radical Marxist circles.  Its ‘lefty chic’ and Barack has plenty of it."
---"ptg" at Michelle Malkin's blog

All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!

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Puppy Pic of the Day: And moments later Gladys was in the emergency room getting her nose reattached

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CHEERS to The Biggest Biggun of them all!  Democratic primary fever grips the nation---again---today as Indianiacs and North Carolinistas vie for the title of "Most Likely To Keep Hillary In The Race For Another Four Weeks."  I don't make predictions using "math" or "trends" or "coin tossing."  No, I look to the state mottos to guide my gut.  North Carolina's motto is the elitist-sounding Esse Quam Videri---"To be, rather than to seem"---so Barack is a shoe-in there by at least ten points.  Indiana's motto is Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi?---"Baby, Sweetheart, would I lie to you?"---so I'll give that one to Hillary by three.  And then...on to West Virginny!  (I hear that one's gonna be big.)

P.S.  If you're in Portland, Maine tonight, join us as we help inaugurate the first Drinking Liberally meetup in our fair town.  7-10 at the Slainte bar across from the Portland Public Market building (Map here).  If you don’t see me right away, look under the stools.

CHEERS to spilling the L.L. beans.  Here we go, kids---the lineup at the Netroots Nation convention is starting to take shape.  Organizers announced yesterday that the keynote speaker will be Lawrence Lessig, one of Bloggerdom's greatest advocates:

Professor Lessig, who has been called one of the "leading minds in tech" and open-source democracy by the American Prospect, is the founder of Creative Commons, and spent years working to make sure that as the rules of the Internet got written, they were written in a way that put power in the hands of regular people.  He advanced his ideas through numerous books, articles and blog posts. Respected worldwide, he is one of the true luminaries of the Internet.

His Curriculum Vitae is 20 pages long.  If he figures out a way to chop a few bucks off my outrageous ISP bill I'll dip him in gold.

JEERS to tough times for mom 'n pop businesses.  Sad news, I'm afraid.  Exxon Mobil---which I believe makes shoes and quilts for the homeless---had a bad quarter.  In the middle of a war, they could only scrape together a $10.9 billion profit between January and March.  I'd recommend giving them an immediate tax holiday.  If only they paid any.

JEERS to that nagging itch of futility.  Seven years ago today, John Paul II became the first pope to enter a mosque.  He called for greater harmony between Christians and Muslims.  Gee, that's going swell.

CHEERS to deep thoughts.  GMA's Robin Roberts sat down with President Bush and probed him deeply (sorry for that visual).  This is the best they could do:

Roberts: "Y'know, America considers this their front lawn; this is your backyard.  You see it all the time.  Does it still amaze you, sir?"
Bush: "It does.  It's a beautiful place.  In the spring, the flowers are fantastic.  In the fall, the...  It's just such a...kind of a place that's so fresh.  In the winter, of course, it's got a lot of snow.  (Laughter.)  Summer is real hot..."

He added: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon.  HehHehHeh..."  Roberts narrowly escaped by jumping through a window.

JEERS to human math.  One thing I've learned over the years is you never accept a casualty count from a major storm in Asia until at least three or four days out.  What started as a 350-death cyclone in Myanmar has spiraled up to 5,000 10,000 15,000 22,500, with up to a million homeless.  (Expect those numbers to rise even more.)  It doesn’t help that the country is ruled by thugs who could give a crap about anything but keeping brandy stains off their uniforms and a stream of hookers circulating through their palaces.  I have no idea which organization is best for donating money, but these seem reasonable.  Question for the vengeful god who caused this: It was the Hannah Montana pics in Vanity Fair, wasn't it?

JEERS to incorrigible dirigibles.  The Goodyear blimp "Hindenburg" caught fire and crashed 71 years ago today---May 6, 1937---in Lakehurst, New Jersey.  Herb Morrison's anguished broadcast is as riveting now as it was then.  Sadly a similar tragedy occurred several years later during the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Drop over Cincinnati.  Oh the humanity, indeed.

CHEERS to political junkies.  Charles Brown of Owl's Head, Maine, didn't appreciate it when the Portland Press Herald made a jab at people like you and me (and him) who care a lot about politics and its capacity for change:

I believe that the path to the resolution of our country's domestic and international challenges will be determined in large part by political choices.  So, if it is all right with the paper, I will consider the term "political junkie" a compliment, and I plan to stay politically involved in the coming months until the election. ...

I am willing to change my attitude, however, if you can convince me that, between now and Labor Day, banks will suspend foreclosures, gas prices will freeze and bullets will stop flying in Iraq.

Or you pay us all a million dollars.  (Shh, quiet.  Sometimes they fall for it...)

CHEERS to bold vision.  The more I listen to John McCain, the more my support for the DemocRAT party wavers.  In his latest groundbreaking proposal, the straight-talking maverick suggests that the best way to deal with Iraq and Iran is to form an organization called a League of Nations.  I like it.  Sounds international but also evokes the pinstriped can-do spirit of American baseball.  Today McCain is expected to unveil his new economic proposal, which he calls a "Smoot-Hawley Tariff."  Sounds muscular!

CHEERS to great deals.  382 years ago, on May 6, 1626, Manhattan was purchased from Native Americans for around $24 in beads, trinkets and wampum.  Or as it's known today: A medium espresso.  Or a Euro.  Or funding for 1/100th of a second of the Iraq war.  Or twenty grains of rice.  Or your savings from the McCain/Clinton "gas tax holiday."  Shall I stop now?

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Three Years Ago in C&J: May 6, 2005...

CHEERS to diminishing returns.  Tony Blair wakes up on his 52nd birthday to find he's won a third term in jolly old England, but his Labour Party majority now has the consistency of week-old kidney pudding.  And now that that's over with...somebody put the kettle on.

WHAAAA?? to George Will.  He wrote a tart little smackdown of right-wing religious zealots in yesterday's Washington Post.  Most interesting quote:

"Americans who answer 'none' when asked to identify their religion numbered 29.4 million in 2001, more than double the 14.3 million in 1990.  If unbelievers had their own state ... its population would be the nation's second-largest state."

No wonder the fundies are flapping their arms so wildly---they're becoming an endangered species.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to growing a pair.  I'd like to make clear that the creator has blessed me with a tuckus that needs no, shall we say, embellishment.  But if there's a man in your life who is a little flat-ended, help is on the way---Bottoms Up for Men:

We are here to solve your "baggy butt" syndrome and help you "plump up your rump!"  Just think of us as the "Good Butt Fairy", here to help out where Mother Nature let you down.

Or, if you're a politician, where your opponents sank their teeth.

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Holy shit!  I just got an email from "Íâó¾Àí/½ø³ö¿Ú¾Àí " and the subject line says "|Íâó½Óµ¥Ó뺣Í⩵ ¥»ñÈ¡²ßÂÔ|"  Sorry, folks, I've gotta read this one---it might be news from my Nigerian finance minister.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"I want to whip Bill in Portland Maine's behind.  That's what I want to do right now.  If I thought they wouldn't take me jail I'd whip his behind right now."
---Zikkita Stratford

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