Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

You probably think my headline is a snarky prelude to a post ridiculing President Bush for his aircraft carrier photo-op that took place five years ago today:

Peter Jennings: It is a very special feeling to land on a carrier, and it is from there tonight that the president is going to make what amounts to an end-of-the-war-in-Iraq speech. ... Tonight the president is going to describe how the war has essentially, if not officially, ended.

Nah---his legacy as a huge failure is sealed in amber for all time. Instead, let's remind ourselves of how ridiculous America's traditional media was on or around May 1, 2003. Exhibit A: Chris Matthews...

"[T]he president deserves everything he's doing tonight in terms of his leadership. He won the war. He was an effective commander. Everybody recognizes that, I believe, except a few critics.  ... Here's a president who's really nonverbal. He's like Eisenhower. He looks great in a military uniform."

Brian Williams...

And two immutable truths about the president that the Democrats can't change: He's a youthful guy. He looked terrific and full of energy in a flight suit. He is a former pilot, so it's not a foreign art farm -- art form to him. Not all presidents could have pulled this scene off today.

Not even Millard Fillmore? Puh-leez. The New York Times says...

Never before has a president landed aboard a carrier at sea, much less taken the controls of the aircraft. His decision to sleep aboard the ship this evening in the captain's quarters conjured images of the presidency at sea not seen since Franklin D. Roosevelt used to sail to summit meetings.

Mr. Bush was clearly reliving his days as a pilot in the Texas Air National Guard, more than three decades ago.

I assume they're talking about his non-AWOL days. Joe Klein...

"Well, that was probably the coolest presidential image since Bill Pullman played the jet fighter pilot in the movie Independence Day. That was the first thing that came to mind for me."

Laura Ingraham...

"Speaking as a woman, and listening to the women who called into my radio show, seeing President Bush get out of that plane, carrying his helmet, he is a real man. He stands by his word. That was a very powerful moment."

She added, "I do declay-uh, he done gave me thuh vapuhs!"

And I really can't bring myself to point out that Wolf Blitzer referred to Bush as "a one-time Fighter Dog." Really. I just can't.

But I don’t want to beat up on the media too bad. So I'll give Chris Matthews the final word. He said this three days ago after watching footage of Bush clowning around at the White House Correspondents Association Dinner:

"It’s one thing to gather for events like this in Washington.  It‘s another one to laugh and applaud and be charmed when the president puts on a little show.  It‘s harmless stuff, except that the people yucking it up in that scene are the people who are professionally committed to calling it when the people in power get it wrong."

Really.

Update: If you're really a glutton for punishment, check this out.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, May 1, 2008

Note:  Everybody who hits their sales goal this month gets a $500 bonus.  Remember: it's not just a dead bird in a jar you're selling---it's a one-of-a-kind winged collectible that brings good luck!  Now get out there and sell sell sell!

(Oh, and we're increasing your sales goal by 15 percent.)

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By the Numbers:
Days since Bush's speech under the 'Mission Accomplished' banner: 1,827
Days 'til Bush leaves office: 263
Bush’s favorability rating: 29%
(Source: Pollingreport.com)
U.S. combat deaths before 'Mission Accomplished': 139
U.S. combat deaths after 'Mission Accomplished': 3,924
(Source: icasualties.org)
Percent of Americans who believe invading Iraq was a mistake: 63% (a record high)
(Source: Gallup)
Current cost of the war in Iraq: $516,000,000,000
(Source: National priorities project)
Number of vehicles in the motorcade that takes Bush to his regular bike ride location in Maryland: 14

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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

Months before the [New York] Times broke the story about the surveillance program that Dick Cheney considered one of the "crown jewels" of American intelligence, the NSA sent a copy of the "top-secret" transcript to the Office of Foreign Assets Control.  The OFAC mailed it to the attorneys representing the suspected foreign terrorists under surveillance.  The attorneys sent copies to their clients in the Middle East, one a Specially Designated Global Terrorist.  And to The Washington Post and others on the legal team.  Two months later, the FBI sent agents out to retrieve the original and all the copies---and to order each recipient not to remember what he or she had read.  No FBI agent went to Saudi Arabia to seize Soliman al-Buthi's copy and sequester his memory.  If they knew where Perouz Sedaghaty was lying low, they didn't attempt to contact him either.

It was a stunning failure for the government.

---From Bill of Wrongs (with Lou Dubose.  2008, Random House)

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Puppy Pic of the Day: A bit of a Mission Accomplished metaphor, don’t you think? (I couldn’t find a picture of him actually screwing the pooch.)

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CHEERS to May.  The month of flowers, Mom's Day, and Cinco de Something.  Memorial Day gives us our first honest to goodness get-the-day-off holiday since New Years.  Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Hollywood Blockbuster opens in 21 days.  And maybe we'll make it through a day or two this month without the furnace kicking in.  Oh, and don’t miss the Daily Kos contributing editors as they dance around the Maypole at noon.  Be sure to give 'em a wide berth---they flail.

JEERS to Saint David Petraeus.  Look, if he gets all the credit when things are quiet(er) in Iraq, than he gets the blame when violence flares up, as it certainly did in April:

The killings of three U.S. soldiers in separate attacks in Baghdad pushed the American death toll for April up to 47, making it the deadliest month since September.  Iraqi Health Ministry figures also showed 968 civilian deaths in April, the most in eight months, Reuters reported.

Too soon to demote him to corporal?

CHEERS to pendulums.  Barack Obama has taken quite the beating, thanks to Pingate, Bittergate, Bowlinggate and Wrightgate.  Now it looks like Hillary's in the crosshairs with Stupidtaxholidaygate and Pansygate and Coffeemachinegate and...um...okay, I just read the cue cards: Testicularfortitudegate.  Wow.  I always wondered what it would take to knock Martin Van Buren's "Doesmyprostatefeelswollengate" off its pedestal.

JEERS to shameful memories.  This statement from Bush's carrier speech four years ago is one of the larger steaming piles of crap he left in his wake that day:

"The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on September the 11, 2001 and still goes on.  That terrible morning, 19 evil men---the shock troops of a hateful ideology---gave America and the civilized world a glimpse of their ambitions.  They imagined, in the words of one terrorist, that September the 11th would be the 'beginning of the end of America.'"

Four months later he was forced to admit: "We have no evidence that Saddam Hussein was involved in the [sic] September the eleventh."  I'm sure he feels real bad about lying and has learned his lesson.

JEERS to rude surprises.  After I lost my job last September I signed up for COBRA to keep my health insurance active.  Yesterday I called my insurance company on a routine matter and found out that they had heard nothing from COBRA and had cancelled my coverage last November.  The insurance company tells me it's not a problem on their end so call COBRA.  COBRA tells me it's not a problem on their end, but---[sigh]---they'll send the file to the insurance company again, even though it's an inconvenience for them.  Then I have to call my insurance company---the one that isn’t insuring me---in a week to see if the file transfer "took hold."  So, to recap: I'm paying for health insurance coverage...but I'm not getting health insurance coverage.  So now I can't walk in front of a bus for at least a week.  Inconvenient indeed.

P.S. John McCain came out with a new old health care plan Tuesday.  It's "similar to one that Bush put forth in his 2007 State of the Union address."  Chicken soup for everyone?  No thanks.

YIKES to nature's wrath.  Just days after the northern Maine town of Fort Kent bade farewell to a record-snowfall winter (200 inches) with a snowplow parade, its 4,233 residents were walloped by severe flooding.  That can only mean one thing, according to right-wing evangelists: a gay couple just moved in.

JEERS to unanswered questions.  In Australia, a right-wing politician was busted because he got up and sniffed the chair of a female staffer.  It probably wouldn’t be such a big deal if she wasn't sitting in it at the time.  But now that you've got our attention, mate: what did it smell like???!!  (My guess: of course, pie.)

CHEERS to iron horses.  Amtrak turns 37 today.  Be sure to wave to the conductor from your car.

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One Year Ago in C&J:  May 1, 2007...

CHEERS to a pleasant flight.  Last week, officials from Zero Gravity Corp. boarded a 727 and used it to achieve---duh!---zero gravity eight times so they could play catch with Stephen Hawking.  The Lou Gehrig's Disease-afflicted scientist fared so well that he now plans to ride a rocket to the edge of space.  Just as soon as they find his luggage.

JEERS to Wolfoweasel.  Disgraced Iraq war architect Paul Wolfowitz says he's open to a plan that would enable him to step down as disgraced World Bank president with his hide intact.  C&J suggests this simple step-by-step plan: 1) Resign.  2) Box up your medals and your girlfriend.  3) "Taxi!"

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And just one more...

(tongue-in-cheek) CHEERS to the most awesomest Preznitential moment evuh!  Seriously, when I think back to the hero worship that surrounded Bush's carrier photo-op five years ago, I'm stunned by the way so many supposedly intelligent, professionally-trained journalists and analysts behaved like three year-olds who had just discovered Sesame Street for the first time.  So here's one more for old time's sake from the King of Pre-school:

Chris Matthews: Americans love having a guy as president...a guy who has a little swagger, who's physical, who's not a complicated guy ... They want a guy who's president. Women like a guy who's president. Check it out. The women like this war. I think we like having a hero as our president. It's simple. We're not like the Brits. We don't want an indoor prime minister type, or the Danes or the Dutch or the Italians, or a Putin. Can you imagine Putin getting elected here? We want a guy as president.

I'll leave it up to you whether to laugh or cry.

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Oh, and this just in: genetic scientists confirm the reincarnation of William Howard Taft.  Film at 11.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"Bill in Portland Maine is so full of it."
---Senator Jim Webb
4/30/08
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