Super Mega Cheers and Jeers!!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE MANAGEMENT:

By order of Vice President Dick Cheney, all Cheers and Jeers readers must agree to take an oath of loyalty before they can be admitted to the Extended Copy Section.  This oath is intended to separate the serious bloggers from those who wish to disrupt our gathering to advance their own personal agenda.  It is a brief oath, but mandatory nonetheless.  Please raise your mouse and repeat after the Vice President:

"I...state your name...do hereby swear allegiance to Daily Kos and all its affiliated subsidiaries and distribution channels.  I promise to vote for Kos in any future online blog surveys, and will consider voting for Cheers and Jeers in any online diary surveys.  I also promise to do everything I can to boot Bush from office in Novem...hey, who the hell put that in there?  You said this was a GOP blog!  Go f-k yourself, I'm outta here.  You're messing with the wrong guy!  Blame-America-Firsters!  Ack!Ack!Ack!"

Thank you.  You may now proceed to the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!]  RIGHTNOW!  [Gong!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Daily Countdown:
Days `til 2004 Olympic Games: 10
Days 'til Republican Convention: 27
Days 'til General Election: 91
Days `til Kerry inauguration: 170
Fahrenheit 9/11 worldwide gross: $138,942,000

CHEERS to grand re-openings.  The Statue of Liberty is open to the huddled masses starting today.  "Liberty cannot be intimidated," says one official.  True.  But the folks who kept her boarded up for 3 years because of terrorism fears sure could.

JEERS to the Dead Sea Scrolls.  Apparently they're what intelligence relied on to take us to level Orange.  And this just in:  FBI reports that Lincoln's life may be in danger---Barricades erected at Ford's Theatre.

CHEERS to details.  Come and get `em!  Here's John Kerry's `Plan For America': http://www.johnkerry.com/plan/.  Use it to outsmart the Republican next door.

JEERS to mixed signals.  Yesterday's advice from ABC News's The Note: "Please say `boost' or `bump,' and not `bounce.'"  Yesterday's ABC news headline: "Slight Bounce."  But we'll take the 4 point whatchamacallit, anyway.

CHEERS to Kerry's lead.  Chris Bowers at MyDD has--sigh, again--the best post-convention poll summary and analysis we've seen.  And brevity to boot!  http://www.mydd.com/story/2004/8/2/171821/0159    

JEERS to GOP counteroffensive (yuck yuck y'all).  Josh Marshall says New York Times says Karl Rove says Kerry is about to become a target for "humor and calculated derision."  Oh, Karl...we DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to dare us to respond with humor and calculated derision on your man.  Bring...It...On.

JEERS to chutzpah of the wrong kind.  After a naturalization ceremony in Jacksonville, Florida last month, Goopers handed out voter registration forms...with the party affiliation box already marked "Republican!"  http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=3616703.  Fortunately the grins on the goons staffing the table scared the newbies away.

CHEERS to late-night TV.  Al Franken returns to his roots Sept. 7 when his radio show debuts on the Sundance Channel.  It'll be like Imus in the Morning on MSNBC...except this host moves.

JEERS to Fox News.  Here it is in black and white---a snapshot of their fair and balanced convention coverage: http://mediamatters.org/items/200408020002.  Bookmark that page...and let's meet at Starbucks on Sept. 3 to compare it with their GOP coverage.

CHEERS to The Amazing Krugman.  Today's column praises the blogosphere and nails Fox to the wall: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/03/opinion/03krug.html.  And don't miss him on hour 2 of the Al Franken Show today.  Will they use C&J's theme song? http://bill-in-portland-maine.dailykos.com/story/2004/7/22/95230/7632

CHEERS to sensible slogans.  President Kerry's team settles on "Stronger at Home, respected in the world.  Excluding certain portions of North America, South America, Asia, Europe and Africa but Australia's definitely in the plus column."  Has a nice ring to it.

JEERS to jilted authors.  We were psyched when we started reading `Home Grown Democrat' by Garrison Keillor.  Then we discovered Larry Flynt's `Sex, Lies and Politics.'  Sorry, Garrison.  We can still be friends, but Larry...you had me at "bottom feeder."

CHEERS to the world's greatest crooner.  Happy 78th birthday, Tony Bennett!  We still see your picture  when we look up `class' in the dictionary.  In honor of your day, sir, a riff on one of your classics:  

"I wanna be around...to pick up the pieces...when Kerry breaks Bush's heart.  Somebody twice as smart...as him."  Thank you...our next show's at 3:30.

JEERS to bad comparisons.  Washington Post reports that, at GM, the cost of health care now exceeds their annual cost for purchasing steel.  Big deal--cars are 80% plastic now.

CHEERS to maggots.  They've just become the first live animals to be approved by the FDA for medical purposes.  They're excellent at cleaning wounds because they consume dead tissue the way we consume pizza.  And apparently any Republican will do.

CHEERS to summer ditties.  On August 3, 1996, `Macarena' started its 14-week reign at #1 on the Billboard pop chart.  And changed our way of life...forever.

CHEERS to doctors without death wishes.  Due to murder and other assorted violence against them, Doctors Without Borders has pulled out of Afghanistan after 14 years.  Their first stop needs to be my house...to do something about this BushCheneyWolfowitz-induced headache.

CHEERS to truth-seekers.  Today is John T. Scopes's 104th birthday.  He's the high school teacher who defended his theory of evolution in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial.  His gravestone labels him "A Man of Courage"---the understatement of the century.  Anyway, pay your respects: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=3526&pt=John%20T.%20Scopes  It'll drive the fundamentalist  wackos crazy.

CHEERS to August DVDs.  `Freaks!' `Kill Bill 2!' expanded `Predator!' And much more that's drool-worthy: http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=18085.  Unfortunately, today's big release is...`Hidalgo.'  Pinch me.

6 months ago in C&J---February 3, 2004

CHEERS to John Kerry.  Bests Bush in 3 major polls.  Let's see--no WMDs, crushing debt, jobless recovery...and Pat Robertson reveals on Hardball that God no longer thinks election will be a "Blowout."  But easy on the Botox, Senator...there's 9 long months to go.

CHEERS to Justin Timberlake, Politician-in-Training.  Spins Janet Jackson boob explosion at Super Bowl as "wardrobe malfunction."  A more seasoned pro would have called it a "wardrobe malfunction program-related activity."  But you'll learn, kid.  You'll learn.

Floor's open.  What are you cheering and jeering about today?

•  Tip Jar

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  "We love Cheers and Jeers.  I read it when I eat my breakfast in the morning.  Mary reads it while sharpening her canine teeth with the Black & Decker.  It's just part of our lifestyle."   ---James Carville

  by Bill in Portland Maine on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 10:50:29 AM PDT

  •  Tell me that is not a real quote....

    So funny if it is.

    by Delaware Dem on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:01:54 AM PDT

    •  Did you know...

      that "gullible" is not included in the newest version of Webster's?

      by Maryscott OConnor on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:09:08 AM PDT

    •  DelDem needs

      more coffee.

      Besides, Repugs don't have to sharpen their teeth. You should know this.  They're in the shark family and they constantly grow new ones.

      by ogre on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 02:02:17 PM PDT

  •  cheers

    to cheers and jeers.  you + morning = coffee substitute.  

    by skiddie on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 07:45:54 PM PDT

•  Jeers to the Media

  Who have allowed the post-"handover" death toll of US soldiers to go unremarked.

  In fact, maybe you might want to add it to your countdown (though it is a huge bummer, so maybe not).

  To wit:

  59 US soldiers killed in Iraq since June 28.

  by Maryscott OConnor on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:00:35 AM PDT

  •  Needs sharpening

    (Maybe we could borrow Matalin's Black & Decker, if she's done with it?)

    <x> American soldiers killed in Iraq
    <y> killed since the "end of major combat operations"
    <z> killed since Iraq "recovered sovereignty"

    by ogre on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 02:05:00 PM PDT

•  I finally realized

  Our foreign policy is more than likely based around the Magic 8-ball Bush keeps in his office.

  "Dick, whaddo I do?  It told me to ask again later!"

  by noshenanigans on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:11:24 AM PDT

•  Heartfelt cheers

  to a beautiful evening in Milwaukee and a massive crowd to welcome our next President, his lovely wife, the mayor, and our senators, all introduced by a reformed Republican who can no longer accept a second term for Bush.

  Outstanding.

  by wozzle on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:24:15 AM PDT

•  Why the hell wasn't Lady Liberty ...

  ...sprayed alert-orange for her grand reopening?

  by Meteor Blades on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 09:06:51 PM PDT

  •  Cheers and Jeers...

    
    ...isn't Cheers and Jeers without a 4 from Meteor Blades topping the tip jar.  Thank you, sir.

    by Common Sense Mainer on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 09:20:57 PM PDT

•  I'll say your oath...

  OK, OK, I'll say your stupid oath if I have to.

  ""I...state your name...do hereby swear...to...Bush...from a GOP blog!  Go [Cheney] yourself. ... You're messing with the wrong guy!"

  -Bob
  

  by Mormon for Democracy on Tue Aug 03, 2004 at 11:38:13 PM PDT